THIS is funny

george · 04-25-09 9:57 pm

Hey, what's with you guys - with all the talk we've had about the idiocy of trying to keep Sabbath from sundown to sundown above the arctic circle I was sure you'd get this one. I have to admit - it took me a couple of nanoseconds to get it too but then I kept laughing every time I thought about it and thought this crowd would enjoy it.

bob_2 · 04-25-09 10:38 pm

Does Elaine feel that she is a victim of meanness, John, or just your idea? John, maybe you should start a thread about kindness, too bad John won't be here for three months to participate. Your posts, haven't been exactly kind, or an attempt to win friends, nor have Elaines for that matter.

neal · 04-25-09 10:44 pm

bob_2 · 04-25-09 10:48 pm

Cute baby picture, of you, Neal?? Got more???

neal · 05-13-09 12:53 pm

john8verse32 · 05-30-09 10:46 pm

Dear Tech Support, Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 . In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as * Romance 9.5 and * Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs , such as * NHL 5.0, * NFL 3.0 and * Golf Clubs 4.1 Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. * Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems , but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate. DEAR DESPERATE , First, keep in mind, * Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while * Husband 1..0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install theGuilt 3.0 update. * If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2..5 ,Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 . * Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, D0 NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to re-install the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 . In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: * Cooking 3.0 and * Hot Lingerie 7.7. Good Luck, Desperate Tech Support

john8verse32 · 06-07-09 8:25 pm

the 10C's in tweet If God had limited Herself to 140 characters to twitter the 10 C's, they might have looked like this: <a href="http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/6/3quatro.html" target=_top>http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2009/6/3quatro.html</a>

neal · 06-09-09 9:30 am

Biblical MARRIAGE EXPLAINED. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw" target=_top>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFkeKKszXTw</a> .

john8verse32 · 06-11-09 10:00 pm

The Pope took a couple of days off to visit the rugged mountains of Wyoming for some sightseeing. He was cruising along the campground in the Pope Mobile when there was a frantic commotion just at the edge of the woods. A helpless Democrat, wearing sandals, shorts, a 'Vote for Obama' hat and a 'Save the Trees' t-shirt, was screaming while struggling frantically and thrashing around trying to free himself from the grasp of a 10-foot grizzly. As the Pope watched in horror, a group of Republican hunters came racing up. One quickly fired a 44 magnum into the bear's chest. The other two reached up and pulled the bleeding, semiconscious Democrat from the bear's grasp. Then using long clubs, the three hunters finished off the bear and two of them threw it onto the bed of their truck while the other tenderly placed the injured Democrat in the back seat. As they prepared to leave, the Pope summoned them to come over. 'I give you my blessing for your brave actions!' he told them. 'I heard there was a bitter hatred between Republicans and Democratic environmental activists, but now I've seen with my own eyes that this is not true.' As the Pope drove off, one hunter asked his buddies 'Who was that guy?' 'It was the Pope,' another replied. 'He's in direct contact with Heaven and has access to all wisdom.' 'Well,' the hunter said, 'he may have access to all wisdom, but he doesn't know squat about bear hunting! By the way, is the bait still alive, or do we need to go back to Massachusetts and get another one? '

neal · 06-29-09 5:59 am

john8verse32 · 06-29-09 10:42 am

but isn't that a good thing for the country (if not their family relationships)? to have the guys in power continually looking for a happy ending? happy to keep living? or should we elect grumpy old guys, with unhappy homelives, nagging wives offering no relief, so that our leaders suffer from discouragement, mental block from glandular buildup, and instead of toying with their physicality, they play with the nuclear football? at least we knew that Bill Clinton was having too much fun to worry about him trying to blow the whole world up...

renie · 06-29-09 1:02 pm

Neal...could I have the site for those funny political cartoons if it's not too much trouble. Thanks a bunch. renie

neal · 06-29-09 3:34 pm

Irene There is a person that posts these weekly (each Sunday or Monday I believe) in a diary on the dailykos.com site: <a href="http://jekyllnhyde.dailykos.com/" target=_top>http://jekyllnhyde.dailykos.com/</a>

neal · 07-20-09 2:01 pm

bob_2 · 09-09-09 2:39 am

Check out these knickers!!!Guess who they belonged to? <img src="http://www.atomorrow.net/discus/messages/22/1821.jpg" alt=""> <a href="http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756" target=_top>http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Most-Emailed-Photos/ss/1756</a>;_ylt=AqfuAUGtmqxKrvomANvS5GtsaMYA

bob_2 · 09-09-09 5:43 am

<blockquote><hr size=0><!-quote-!>quote:"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" Jay Leno <!-/quote-!><hr size=0></blockquote>

bob_2 · 09-09-09 5:48 am

A teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for little Johnny. The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different. Little Johnny said, 'Because I'm not an Obama fan.' The teacher asked, 'Why aren't you an Obama fan?' Johnny said, 'Because I'm a Republican.' The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, 'Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.' Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, 'If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?' With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, 'That would make me an Obama

bob_2 · 09-09-09 5:55 am

Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an airplane trip back to Washington. He turned to her and said, “Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.” The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to The Obama, “What would you like to talk about?” “Oh, I don’t know,” said the Obama. “How about What Changes I Should Make To America?” and he smiles. “OK,” she says. “That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?” Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it for a second and finally says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to change America when you don’t know sh**?”

bob_2 · 09-09-09 6:04 am

Q. Why won’t Obama Messiah release his real birth certificate? A. It shows that he didn’t have a virgin birth.

renie · 09-09-09 2:21 pm

HaHaHeeeeeHeee. <img src="http://www.atomorrow.net/discus/clipart/biggrin.gif" border=0> These are really good, Bob. I would love to have a joke or cartoon every day. Hint, hint!!

elaine · 09-09-09 6:39 pm

My Mother always said there are only two types of Republicans: 1) Rich 2) Stupid Most of those posting on this site appear to be #2. I’m sure they all are devoted Fox News viewers where they get all the extreme right wing ‘facts’. Like Jim White of KMOX Radio used to say “You Can’t Fix Stupid’!

bob_2 · 09-11-09 12:44 am

Was that an attempt at a joke, I think Renie needs to come over and help you recognize a funnie when you see it. She knows how to enjoy hilarity. You? Too seriously a left wing moonbat!!!

bob_2 · 09-11-09 8:59 pm

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them. The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. "So you buried all the politicians?" asked the police officer. "Were they all dead?" The farmer answered, "Some said they weren't, but you know how politicians lie."

bob_2 · 09-11-09 9:03 pm

The young reporter thought long and hard. Finally he handed the Editor the following report. "Mrs. Smith was injured in a car accident today. She is recovering in County Hospital with lacerations on her ( . )( . )" Bet you that gets past the censors!!! Eh, Renie???

bob_2 · 09-12-09 1:37 pm

An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live." O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints." After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers. After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone." Hey, Renie, maybe that wasn't such a good Sabbath joke, maybe I should have waited until after sundown to tell that one!!!!

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